quotes
Sorry, das sind nur so Sätze, da könnt ich mich wegschmeißen vor Lachen, wenn ich die lese... ich weiß, ich bin komisch.


I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" ...until you can find a rock.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.

"You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps."

We are the people our parents warned us about.

"Cancer cures smoking."

DROP THE SCYTHE, AND TURN AROUND SLOWLY.

Smokers are like ordinary people, just not as long.

If you can't lower heaven, raise hell

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

"Sleep... Those slices of death.... How I loathe them."

If a turtle loses his shell is he naked or homeless.

Without this great land of ours, we would all drown.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere is the fact that none of it has tried to contact us.

Save a tree... Eat a beaver.

Evil spelled backward is live

Everyone has the right to be ugly, but some people abuse the privilege.

Teamwork: A chance to blame someone else.

I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving

If you're arguing with an idiot make sure he isn't doing the same thing.

Always borrow money from pessimists, they never will expect it back

Nobody's perfect... well, there was this guy, but we killed him.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.

Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse.

"If I'm not back in five minutes.. wait longer."

This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.

You have to be prepared for the possibility that God does not like you.

That's when I started breaking into people's houses. I don't steel anything, I just rearranged their furniture.