Cruel wakening
I never felt this way before… never!
I was just so disappointed…disappointed of her!!
It was the first time, that I was the one who called her, because I was in trouble with my parents… I was crying, no… I’m still crying…, and I just wanted to hear her voice…, I just wanted her to be there for me.., I just wanted to hear that everything’s gonna be alright again…, I just wanted her to say, that she gonna stay with me…, that I don’t have to be alone…!!

But instead of that, there was… nothing!! Actually she told me, that everything is my own fault and that she really can’t understand me…! Actually she just told me, that my parents are right…! Well, I’m calling her in tears, and I’m really, really sad and all she can tell me, is that it’s my own fault…?! What’s going on, she’s my best friend, and her job is just to make me feel better when I’m really down! Even when she’s maybe right with my parents, it doesn’t help me to hear such things in that situation! I just needed her, I really needed her love, I really needed her to be next to me…, I just needed at least … a hug!

She was so… cold, there was no understandment…, nothing!
On contrary, she just said “well, I think I’m not the right person to talk to when you’re sad…!”…

My best friend is not the right person to talk to when I’m down…?!…

That really hurt me, and because of that, I almost forgot about the pain with of my parents…
After our calling I wrote her a message, that it was good to hear her voice, although that she can’t understand my situation…! Honestly, I think, I just wished to get a response, in which she’s telling me, that she’ll be there for me, and that’s alright, and that she loves me, no matter if she can understand it or not… coz she’s my best friend…! But instead of that, first of all, there was… nothing…, she didn’t respond immediately… and than, after a certain time, there was just that cold and distanced “Just write me if anything’s wrong!”

That’s the first time, that I really know, and especially FEEL, that the others were really right…! - She’s really not there for me…, she obviously really just don’t care…, honestly, she was almost …mad, because, she didn’t want to play my role or first of all, she didn’t want me to play HER role…! I really hate myself for such thoughts, but obviously it’s really the truth…!!

I don’t know hat to do now, I’m just so disappointed…! Although I already miss her, I really don’t want to see her… - I couldn’t look in her eyes…. - seriously…!

I can’t stop crying…., but I really don’t want her to see me like that again… I don’t want her to react in the same way again…!