Truth to be told
Another weekend, another meeting - though meeting isn't the best word to describe what you've experienced. The word meeting is somehow interlinked to business, strangers and no fun, but you had fun, you didn't feel strange and businesslike is the last word that would fit to describe your weekend.
It was all about kissing, touching, experiencing the new and utterly exciting closeness.
You meet and while there is no "Hello"-Kiss, there are several "Nice to see you"-Kisses. The minute you enter his room, he draws you in his arms, takes your hands, touches you - it's like he's saying "I've missed you, thought of you" - all at once.
Some part of yourself, however, doesn't give in so easily, doesn't believe completely that his feelings are so pure. Can he be so happy about just being close to you? Can he enjoy touching you the same you do? Is it possible that he likes just lying around with his body pressed to yours?
Can it be?
Too much has always made you insecure and that's what you are. On the one hand you desperately long for some clarity, but truth is that words would destroy the magic. The quiver that rans down your spine, while you are thinking whether it's going to last. The butterfly wings jaring your stomach, while you wonder if he's going to answer to your text messages the next day.
Yeah, on the one hand you enjoy the insecurity, the excitement about all the unanswered questions. On the other hand, you fear for yourself. Truth to be told, loosing him right now would be hard. Not because of feelings, cause right now, you don't know what you feel. But you are addicted, addicted to his attendance, his messages, his interest in your person. You are a junkie, when it comes down to kissing him.
Truth to be told - right now, you don't want to loose him.
So you eat pizza, drink prosecco and start watching a film that looses his appeal right after it started. There are lips to kiss, there is skin to touch and a whole new world to discover.
Somehow he is the same, somehow he is completely different. Everything fits and feels right - nonetheless you've the feeling that it's never been comparable.
In the morning he has to leave with the promise to meet you on sunday.
On sunday you meet, kiss, touch - part at midnight. The next day he writes you a text message - you answer - and still are waiting for a return.
It's been one hour, it's been two and though there could be a hundred reasons and although he has no obligation to write - it doesn't feel nice.
So you eventually realize, that maybe it's too late - too late, because you are crazy about that guy.
Truth to be told.