that glimpse disappears
In small things of life.... You are eating, you know your appetite is gone, and you continue to eat. Watch. Greed is there. Now you are not eating out of hunger; you are eating out of greed. One day in meditation something beautiful happens -- a breeze comes into your being, suddenly there is light, suddenly there is fragrance, and you sway with that fragrance -- and then it is gone. Now you want every day in every meditation that that has to happen now. Now you are frustrated; and the more you are frustrated, the less is the possibility. Now that window will never open again. And when it doesn't open, you hanker for it too much; then you become very miserable -- "Why is it not happening?" When for the first time meditation really goes deep, immediately, for months, that glimpse disappears. And then they say, "What is happening? I had seen something, and it was tremendously beautiful. Why has it disappeared? What wrong have I done?" You have not done anything wrong: you became greedy. When it happened for the first time, you were not greedy, because you had not ever known it. How could you have been greedy about it? It was unknown; it came from out of the blue. It simply came; you were caught unaware. Now watch. It came when you were not asking for it -- you had not known it, so you could not have asked for it. It came on its own. Now you are asking for it. Now you are asking for something which had come without your asking. You are creating the whole trouble -- the greed has entered. Sometimes it has happened that a man has come very close to satori, very close, and then he went astray because of the greed. So watch. Eating, watch. In the morning, you know that the sleep is over, but you still want to turn over and have a little nap. Now it is greed. If your body is fresh and you are feeling good and the tiredness is gone, then watch. It is everywhere. Eating, sleeping, meditating -- it is everywhere. One day you make love to your woman or to your man, and it is ecstatic. Now you hanker, now you start repeating, but that ecstasy never happens again. You are miserable. You don't know what has happened, what has gone wrong: „Why am I not attaining that peak?" You will never attain it again, because you are looking for it. The first time it happened, you were not looking for it. This is a fundamental law. Things happen and they happen on their own accord; you cannot manage them to happen. Great things cannot be managed by you; they are beyond you. You can, at the most, allow them to happen. At the most, you can keep your doors open so that they can happen, but you cannot force them to happen.