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2005-08-10 22:10
Only more understanding is needed
That is the difficulty: one wants to remain dependent and one wants to remain independent. One is asking for two polar opposites. If you understand it, things start becoming clear. Then if the other is on his trip you have to allow him. You are nobody to interfere in it. If he wants to become an ascetic, that's his decision; you have to respect it. If you love him, you will love him with all that he is and with all that he wants to be. If he loves you, he will give you freedom and will allow you to be yourself. If some problems arise, they can be solved -- there is no need to fight about them. Only more understanding is needed. Make things more clear. It almost always happens that couples don't make things clear to each other. You hope that the other will understand and so is the case with the other: he thinks you will understand. Nobody understands! There is no communication problems have never been put forward clearly. If he is trying to be ascetic, the problem will be sexual -- you will suffer sexually. You have to put it clearly to him: 'I am not interfering with your asceticism, you can be an ascetic -- I love you and I will go on loving you -- but what about my sexuality?' Then some way can be found. You can remain together and still you can have boyfriends. If he really loves you he will see the problem. Or if he cannot do that he will to relax his asceticism a little bit. But what really happens is that we never make things clear to each other. We go on hoping that the other will know telepathically; nobody knows telepathically. The other is not a clairvoyant. You have to put it exactly: two plus two is four -- like that. But what happens is that you will try to condemn his asceticism; you will not say that your sex is suffering. On the contrary you will condemn his asceticism. He will think that you are trying to possess him, dominate him, dictate to him. He will resist, he will fight. And the real problem is not talked about. It is nothing to you whether he wants to be an ascetic or not. That is his business, it is his life to decide what he wants to be, how he can bloom and flower. Don't condemn his ascetic ideas. Maybe that is natural to him. There are born ascetics in the world. For those people, hardship is luxury and luxury is very hard. They cannot remain in comfort. If things are uncomfortable they are very happy. They fit with some uncomfortable thing. It gives them sharpness, challenge. It makes them more aware, gives them more meditativeness. If it is all comfortable and loose and convenient, they fall asleep. That's how asceticism was born: it is a few people's need. If everything is good, they will simply fall asleep -- there is no point in remaining awake. They have to go on creating problems around themselves so that they can keep awake. If the house is on fire you cannot fall asleep. If something is hurting you cannot fall asleep. Asceticism is really, basically, an effort in mindfulness, awareness, consciousness. The right source is there. There are false ascetics also who are not really thinking in terms of awareness but who are only masochists, enjoying torturing themselves. They are ill and pathological, they need treatment.

Kommentare

21:51 13.08.2005
Vielen Dank für die lieben Geburtstagswünsche ! :)
Solange der Computer noch mit macht, mach ich weiter ...
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08:40 12.08.2005
Danke!
Passt grad wunderbar zu dem was mich grad so beschäftigt...
Und noch alles Gute nachträglich zum Geburtstag! Bleib so wie du bist. Oder: auf dem Weg auf dem du bist.
Danke nochmal...
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21:27 11.08.2005
Happy Birthday
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14:16 11.08.2005
Happy Birthday
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2005-08-10 22:10