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2011-05-13 12:06
I don't even call it hangover any more it's just morning...
Life is pretty much fucked up but you should take em as they come. I’m not picky. People say I just fuck everything that moves but that’s not true, I love all of em truly and dearly. I don’t know what other people do but many women arouse my interest.
Last night I fucked a girl on a playground can't even tell you why but that's pretty sick. They do say I fuck things up. Which is true as far as I am concerned my life is pretty fucked up. What they don’t see is that I suffer, without it I can’t cope.

Drugs help me do what I do but they just keep me going. The drugs are not the problem, the problem really is me. My issues with Life in general my problem with my dad and my problem with women. Drugs just calm me down as does pussy. I don’t really know why I’ve got the tendency to just push it till there is nowhere left to go. Probably because I am searching for something ultimate, something to end it all. I don’t think I would go as far as to kill myself but it is an option, sadly enough it is.

I don’t get why people are bored by life. I utterly do not get it. This is the only thing you have you might just as well lean back and enjoy it. Comparing yourself to others definitely is not the way to go that shit just brings you down. Things are the way they are they are no other way. It will bring you nowhere pretending they could. You can change your future that is not the issue but you can do nothing about who you are or where you come from. There is a shitload what you can do to pretend you could be some other way you can alter your body, your lifestyle, your friends but you can never change who you are deep down. So much for me at least I want to be a good man but I am just an narcissistic asshole that cant get his shit together. I do not enjoy hurting people but I do all the time. I meet perfectly sensible human beings who like me, even love me and I change them into broken bits of their former self. Maybe that is because I show them how fucked up this life really is. People really sometimes equal shit.

Maybe I should change how that is, but I can’t see how I should muster the strength to do so. Maybe I should start by changing myself. Yeah right....
I am just looking for love because I can’t seem to love myself enough although I try so hard. This fucking freedom of choice is worth fuck. I could have been born an Indian kid that has to work in a freaking Goldmine for hours to end a day but I ain’t. I am a dysfunctional twentysomething with too much time on my hand. I do know where I come from but I have no clue where I am going with this. The quiet hurts, it is the most terrifying thing there is. I truly am jealous of people who have a grip, who somehow figured out how to make sense out of this shit.

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14:02 13.05.2011
Ich würde dir gerne irgendetwas schreiben, aber ich weiß nicht was.
Pass auf dich auf.
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Mjetzko Offline

Mitglied seit: 30.11.2008
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2011-05-13 12:06