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Tagebuch Innocent
2009-01-31 01:45
Sometimes
Honestly, I can't believe it... I can't believe that I am actually still so addicted to her - for almost ten years now.
Nevertheless, I am so confused... Sometimes I don't know nothing about my feelings and about my love:
Sometimes I'm so proud of it; I'm so proud of my love...
but at the same time, I would wish to be able to forget her and to leave my desperate love and desperate life behind in order to meet someone else, to love someone else.

Sometimes I wish, to hate her...
but at the same time, I wish to love her for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I remember and admire a girl who had been in the same position and situation like me - but she had the power and the energy to step out of the shadow, to meet and love someone new....
but at the same time, I'm so proud and believe devotely, that my love is much stronger and deeper than her love had ever been!

Sometimes I wish to prove myself and the whole world, that I don't need her...
but at the same time, I love to show the world how serious our friendship and my love for her is!

Sometimes I wish to tell her and the whole world how much I love her and how much I need her...
but at the same time, I enjoy that everybody is obviously aware of the unspoken truth!

Sometimes, I wish to meet and and find someone else I could give all my love...
but at the same time, I would hate myself for leaving her behind and cheating on her!

Sometimes I would love to show her, that my love is not a matter of course...
but at the same time, I love and enjoy her to take my love for granted!

Sometimes I am dreaming of a future without her, without being addicted and without depending on her and on my love for her...
but at the same time, I would love to spend the rest of my life with her - to see her marrying the man of her dreams, to see her children growing up and to see her growing old!

Sometimes I would love her to be aware of being loosing me and my love...
but at the same time, I would love her to count on me and on my love for the rest of my life!

Sometimes I wish to have never been so close to her...
but at the same time, I will never ever forget how she felt, how she smelt and how she tasted!

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2009-01-31 01:45