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2004-06-02 23:01
Just kidding!
26.02.2004

Honestly, we have really nothing in common. It’s really strange. Why am I loving a person who is absolutely the opposite of myself. Is it really because she’s everything I’d like to be; do I really only admire her; am I jealous at least?
Actually I don’t know, and the only thing I know is, that I just love her!

I think things are going to become easier by the time - between her and myself, and also between her, myself and her friends.

For a few moments I was really scared yesterday. I was afraid, that I crossed a border, that I got too close to her friends and too close with her friends, although everything was just a joke and, honestly, we’ve been just kidding all the time. But it was so personal, so trustful, I just didn’t know what she was thinking about the whole situation. Although we talked about all that stuff in a very funny way, I felt really sorry for it. I was scared of disappointing her. I would never think that she might get jealous because of me, because I’m really out of her league, but …. I don’t know, it’s … I just know, that she knows that these are her(!!!) friends, and that she wants to keep it that way.
But she wasn’t mad anyway. Cause she wrote me a message, to ask me what was going on between me and …. This first message really sounded a little bit pissed of, but I just explained her, that there was really nothing and that we were just kidding, and than it seemed alright for her, like it was also just a joke for her.

Although it was really funny, I think I have to be careful the next days. I don’t want to risk anything; especially not to disappoint her. A little bit more distance would be really helpful. Not completely, but not again on that personal and close level.

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2004-06-02 23:01