Dazzled
It's really weird... sometimes my mood just changes so fast...
just two days ago I thought by myself that I'm really lucky... coz everything seemed kinda perfect... like there would be no problems or worries...
But actually that's really not true... well, I think it just seemed like everything was alright coz she was next to me...

But when she's not there and when I'm missing her in every single second, than I feel how sad I actually am...
Honestly, there are some serious problems at home... - with my parents... at college... - right now I just don't have enough motivation to learn and to study all that stuff; and I'm really not happy with the combination of my main subjects - English and History... - and I really can't stand the pressure at work anymore... and of course I also feel kinda lonesome... coz actually there's only her... no one else anymore...!
Well, but actually I really even don't want to think about these things, and first of all not about the problems with my parents... coz it's senseless... coz I would never talk to anybody about it... especially not to her - not again... coz she wouldn't listen or respectively she wouldn't want to listen to it, coz that's definitely not her part...!!

And all the others... "my friends"...?! Well, of course, it's my own fault coz I don't want anyone else in my life, but sometimes I also think that it's kinda sad that there is almost no one left of my former friends or respectively that I actually really don't like them anymore or at least I really can't understand that I've ever called them "my friends"...! B... for example..., she was really a good friend of mine... for many years now... but actually I haven't seen her for more than two months now... and whenever she's writing to me - icq etc. - I'm really pissed off and really don't want to talk to her...!! There's nothing I want to talk about with her... I don't want to go out with her... I'm not interested in how she's doing... - and it's just the same with all the others...!!

Well, whatever... probably, I just miss HER so much right now, that I really need to complain about anything ..! Anyways...!
Maybe I should just go to bed ... to have nice dreams... - about her!!