Censored
16.04.2004

From one minute to the other everything has changed. Our whole friendship has changed. It’s really hard for me to talk about it - well, actually I don’t talk about it anyway of course - but actually it’s hard for me to write about it or even just to think about it!

The last five days were just everything. They were awesome. Because we’ve been together 24/7 a day - and especially also at night. …

Well, I really can’t think about it …., it seems so…, it’s just not right, it’s embarrassing, it’s … dirty in some way.

I always knew that I love her. That I love her more than anything or anyone else in life. And from the beginning it was always, such a special love - true love, but without any sexual or physical elements; whatever, it’s more than just a platonically one.
I just love her!!

But in that night, in this special moment, when we’ve been kidding all the time, she … actually kissed me - just for fun of course. But she actually did it. Since that moment, I think about it all the time, and I also think about her all the time - even more than in the former times. But honestly, I don’t know why. And it really scares me.
On the one hand I’d love to forget about that night, but on the other, it was just so great. It was just great to feel her, to be so close to her and especially ... getting kissed by her.
But I really hate it to think about her in such a changed way. I don’t want to love her in any other way. I know, it sounds really crazy, but for me it seems … dirty in some way.
Please, don’t let this happen again, although I’m really crazy for her. It really mustn’t happen again. Never!!