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Tagebuch Bunny_Hop
2009-07-03 20:32
Evening thougts...
Yeah.. you deserve better.
Thing is, you know that. You really do, you swear.

Another thing is, that you - for some reason - still feel attracted to him. You haven't seen him for nearly a year - or was it even more than one? - than totally drunk, but still... he's in your thoughts. A face in the night, a figure in your dreams, a distant memory that lingers in the dark and gets at you when you feel the loneliness. Dreams reveal our secret wishes, but not always in the direct way. In dreams there are symbols. A hair cut can be a sign for the fear to try new roads, a different way. So maybe, seeing his face in your dreams doesn't resemble your wish to see him again or increase his role in your life. Maybe seeing his face is a sign of fear. Angst to not go on, cut all strings connecting to the past - the girl that used to be you. Perhaps his person resembles the last link. Letting him go - would mean to let go the girl that wasn't always reasonable, but passionately concerning life, love and of course - men.
Letting the young woman go, cutting the last string... You are just not sure if you are ready for that. Ready for reason, ready for business and a straight career. Well, you think you're ready for that, but doesn't everybody need a compensation - for balance?
So perhaps it's not about him - and never was - because he definitely isn't the best guy. He is arrogant and spoiled and never in his life he had to fight for something. He had his parents and he had money... Truly he'd been a good lover, but he wasn't the only one who'd earned that title..
He is nothing special, but has always been special to you.
Perhaps just for one reason.
I mean, he has treated you like a boot scraper and although some could say that you always had a thing for men that weren't good for you or brought trouble - you've always gotten rid of them. Except for him.
So perhaps... he is not special and you've held on to him for the wrong reason.
Seeing that it is a possibility makes you feel better, because deep inside it has always been unreasonable to feel for him.
And more deep inside you are able to confess that you are a reasonable person.
Perhaps you just have to find the strength to cut the strings and really stand up for the life you've already started.

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Kommentare

01:37 04.07.2009
das ist wirklich das beste für dich!
jetzt musst du nur noch ein paar richtige kennenlernen und dir den besten für dich aussuchen! aber du bist noch immer jung! also nur keine hektik!
Good luck!
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2009-07-03 20:32