Willkommen auf Tagtt!
Friday, 29. March 2024
Tagebücher » Pure » News, Bilder, Videos - Online
Tagebuch Pure
2010-06-01 23:33
Dear D

Dear D,

sometimes I'm thinking about breaking up with you. It fills me with so much pain it's unreal, I can literally feel my heart becoming heavier in my chest. I try to hold back the tears and I fail, as usual. I decided long ago not to let these thoughts enter consciousness, cause what use is it? I don't see myself being strong enough to make the final decision. I want you to do it.. cause what I fear the most is the feeling of regret. To realise that all I ever wanted was you. But when i'm honest with myself, this is not what a relationship should look like. It's not all bad, of course not! You are amazing, you make me laugh and I'm looking forward to talking to you every day as if I had just met you moments ago. Is that love? But how can I tolerate you deciding which path I'm gonna walk on in life? Why do you judge every step I make, why do you generalise everything and make me feel like an idiot? Why do you make me cry and rarely comfort me afterwards? You say all I am doing is guilt-trip you even though my heart is breaking every time your cruel words are cutting through me.. D, I feel I can't breathe. You and me, we both created that cage in which you put me in. You don't love me the way I am and therefore you're not tolerating any other behavior than the one you choose. You manipulate me, you blackmail me. And you use fear to get what you want. And all that because you are so insecure. You don't want to lose me cause I make your life so much brighter. Why not show it then? Why can't you be honest and why the hell are you turning into one of those aggressive lovers who rather see their girlfriends suffer than change? You know I supported you all along the way, I never even dared to tell you what is pissing me off and how I would like to see you living your life. So why can't you love me the way I am? I do love you and you god damn know it. I just don't think I can completely give up myself for something.. yeah.. for something that is so unstable, so fragile. You and me, I used to think we're perfect together, we're soothing all wounds and scars. But lately.. I'm thinking about breaking up with you. Because I fear that every little incident might lead to its break. Because I try and prepare myself. I just want to talk to you right now, hear your voice and its seems so paradoxical to me, because I can't even answer that one simple question: What would I miss. Knowing that I can talk to someone before I go to bed? Knowing that there is someone out there who cares for me? But do you REALLY? Then why.. why is it so hard to at least walk have the amount of steps towards me which I already have walked in your direction?

Kommentare

10:02 02.06.2010
You know... sometimes love it's not the problem. Love itself is perfect and even though you love someone so much (or you think you do, because what is love other than an artificial thing we set 'criteria' for?), sometimes it's just not good for you. Even though he makes you smile, he makes you cry as well. He should love YOU - not someone he wants you to be. You deserve that.
Soll der Kommentar wirklich gelöscht werden?
Löschen | Abbrechen

Kommentieren


Nur für registrierte User.

Pure Offline

Mitglied seit: 27.10.2004
DE mehr...
Wirklich beenden?
Ja | Nein

2010-06-01 23:33