Powerless
15.10.2004:

The last time, that I saw her was on… Saturday..! Saturday night, when we’ve been out with all the others…!
But it was kinda alright during the last days, coz I knew she was really very busy because of the fashion show and the whole dancing school thing… so…! But, of course I really, really missed her and I would have loved to get an answer of my messages I wrote to her… but..! I just missed her!

But than, on Wednesday, it was quite a surprise, coz she called me at night…! - she was still at work and had to lock the doors… and she’s always very anxious when she has to do that alone… so she’s always calling somebody while she has to do that… and this day it was actually me who she was calling! I was so happy and so glad to hear her voice and I also told her that I would love to see her the next days - coz we won’t meet at the weekend because she has to go to Austria because of the fashion show and unfortunately I can’t join her…!
I also asked about Thursday, coz we always meet at lunch time and I always pick her up at school… and she was like:”Yeah, of course! Let’s meet tomorrow!” - and we actually did! It was just one hour… and actually it was nothing special… but it was just great to spend time with her…!
But, on the other hand, I still really worry about her… coz it was obvious that she still lost weight and I also asked her about it… ! But I didn’t critizice her and my tone was not mad or something like that… coz I know, that she hates me for saying these things! I really hope that all that model stuff will end after the fashion show and that she’ll “come back” to her old life!
I just feel so … powerless! It seems like there no connection between us anymore…! I can’t believe it! Just a few weeks ago… everything was just so great… she was there… every single minute… and now…!
…