No happy end
No Happy End

Three weeks!! Actually three weeks!! Just the two of us, all day long, 24 hours a day… - they were defenitly the TIME OF MY LIFE!!
It was just so amazing, so awesome, so great, I really can’t tell it, no one can imagine…
She’s just everything for me, she’s so perfect, she’s more than anything else, she’s …. she’s my life…!! She’s really my life! Oh my god, I love her so much!!
But time passed by much too fast…, it’s not fair at all that I have to be without her again! I just want her to stay with me forever!
Now we’re apart for just a few hours, and it honestly already kills me! I can’t live without her… I need her by my side!! Every single second… Seriously, I can’t stand it anymore!!

Everything could have been so perfect! It could have been like in a fairy- tale, but unfortunately, there was no “Happy End”….

From the beginning we really had a great time! Coz on the one hand we really had so much fun together - the Themeparks were great, Warner Brother’s - SeaWorld - Dreamworld, and it really seems like there’s a new Themepark team - just the two of us! And we’ve been shopping all day long… - kind of paradise…! We travelled around through the whole country, thousands of miles, and it was the loveliest time we ever had! It was just so special!
But on the other hand, there was so much trust between us and we were talking about so many personal things in such a serious way and she confided me so many “secrets of her life” …! Actually she never told me things like that before! - honestly I was really shocked of some stories and was really worried about her, but it was also just great to feel that she really trusts me! But it also hurt in some way, coz I realized for the first time, that I was rev. I am just a little, naiv girl, who has no idea what’s goin on…Coz she told me for example something about her eating disorders… not the old stories which happened long time before I got to know her… no, eating disorders during the last… probably 2 years…! Honestly I was just shocked!
And acutally now I really understand, what caused the problems between her and J…, coz now I understand why J… hated that whole dancing thing so much… - coz actually it’s getting worse right now again…., I’m pretty sure…, she lost so much weight during my appsence…! At least she really has to be careful…, and …!
But that was not the worst, coz finally she told me the truth why she has a problem to make the final step…, well, being more specific, why she has a problem to have sex for a certain time now…! And to hear that story, and to feel all her pain, really knocked me out in some way…! I felt so sorry for her, I really couldn’t believe it! How can someone be so cruel…, how can someone hurt her that way…, how can someone do something like that to the most beautiful person on earth….! I still can’t believe it… and most of all I can’t understand that I didn’t know it…! - My best friend, the most important person in my life got raped in some way… and actually I didn’t notice…! Well, of course, it was not my fault, and of course there was no way for me to know it, coz she really didn’t want me to know it, and she didn’t talk to anybody… - except to W…! - and now I know, why he told me once, that there are so many things I don’t know and that we really need to talk to each other…! Well, now everything makes sense to me! And I was just like: what the hell…
But she also told me everything about her and W… - she was really, really sad and disappointed of him, and he really hurt her and I feel just so sorry that I was not there for her, coz obviously she would’ve really needed me at home…
But, whatever, the goodbye and the distance was no problem for her at all and it acutally seemed like she felt really comfortable ‘with’ me… - like she’d preferred to be next to me, instead of being next to him during this time… - of course, I really feel sorry for all these things, coz I know that she loves W… in a very, very special way, but it also just feels great to feel her love… - her love for me!!

Well, all in all, these three weeks were just great,…except the ending…!
Both of us just wished to have a special ending of this great holiday,… so we finally decided to go back to C… in order to meet ‘our’ guys again and …, well of course not to just to see them, but also to have “fun” with them…! It’s kind a weird that we really planed everything in detail, I mean, we actually booked a two bedroom appartment…! Well, now I know that it was the wrong decision, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life…
Of course we had a great evening with them, goin out to the clubs, drinkin, dancing and so on, and it seemed like we didn’t have to decide if really want to take the guys home or not,… coz we just did it! Well, now I know that it was wrong, coz it was just not typical for me to do something like that, and actually I don’t know why I did it, coz I didn’t feel attracted to him at all… but whatever, that was not the problem, coz I had fun with him and that’s it! But, what’s about her… - I can’t believe it… why does things like that always happen to her… - I mean, he was such a nice guy, but as soon as he got horny, he was almost violent… oh my god, I feel so sorry for all that, and I really think that it was my fault coz I didn’t look after her very well…! Just a few hours earlier we promised to take care for each other, but then…! It really was my fault, I mean, I was directly next to her, just in another room, but I couldn’t do anything!
Well, of course, she is alright, and he didn’t rape her or something like that, it was just not a very pleasant experience for her…!
I really wish I could turn back time! Coz now I know that we really had good reasons why we didn’t decide from one minute to the other to go back to them again…! A big mistake! Why didn’t I tell her, that I just don’t want to do it?! - well, of course she would have been offended for a short time, but I think she would have accept it, coz that’s just me… and she knows that I’m normally not like that…!

Well, I thinks she’s alright, coz she is so strong, and she will get over it very, very soon, but I can’t stop feeling sorry for it and also worrying about her…! I just hope she’s doin fine and I really can’t wait to see her again in just two days!

Well, honestly I can’t believe that I actually made it, and that I was really strong enough to tell everybody that I want to go home earlier… that I can’t stand it anymore…! But I really did, fortunately…, so I’ll return home in just two days, and I’m just looking forward to it and especiall to be next to her again!

It’s hard to believe, but honestly my love for her has changed in some way during the last three weeks… coz it still got even stronger…! I always knew that I can’t live without her, but I never felt it and I was never so desperate to see her and to be with her!! Actually I really think I live my life just for her - seriously! Coz without her, nothing would be left!

I don’t need her to be happy, I just need her to stay alive!!