Actually Love
15.01.2004:

I’d like to tell you a story. My story. The story of a life for love. The true love.
Actually love.

Four years ago I met her for the first time. We were going to … with school. I already knew her because of the others - well, I just knew her name. She was sitting next to me and during the 12-hour-bus-tour, she became my best friend. We were together in every single minute of the next 5 days. I loved her since the first moment. She was everything I wanted to be by myself. Actually, in this time, I was just a shy little girl, which had no idea of the real world. I was fascinated of her in all the ways. She showed me another world. During this time she really was in danger because of some really, really bad friends and she told me everything about it. She was crying a lot. - And so did I. Honestly I was shocked in some way. However, for me she was still perfect. These 5 days really changed my whole life - till today.

I would do everything for her. And I also already did.
I lost my former best friend - not exactly because of her, but for her.
My other friends don’t mean anything anymore and I also show that to them; I think I really hurt them a lot - not exactly because of her, but for her.
I lost my boy friend. My first real love. Not because of her, but for her.
I changed my mind, my style, almost everything - just for her.
To make her happy and to make her smile is everything I want to do - with cute symbolic things, or with great birthday presents. I even would reach for the stars at the sky.
I do everything just to be next to her - I even was going through hell.
I accept , that I have to share her, with friends who mean so much more to her than myself.
I accept, that I love and need her so much more than she does.

Every single moment together with her is one of the greatest moments in my life and I remember almost every single one, every single word.