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2015-11-27 13:04
Reclaim yourself
Apparently reclaiming yourself is an important step after a trauma. Sometimes you even have to start in the childhood, the shrink on BBC health says in his talkshow, to rebuild the person, the values once lived. Sometimes you have to start from scratch, he says.
I am listening and begin thinking. In order to reclaim yourself, you have to get lost at some point. I am lost, that is for sure - no doubt about it. Trauma related or not, I wonder when it happened?

Was it when Stefan died? Was it linked to one of the men in my life? Was it work related? Was it part of dealing with a very difficult family dynamic?
I couldn't say, I wouldn't know.
Is it important to know the exact time, when it happened?

At some point I just stopped. Stopped everything. As if somebody had pressed pause on my life, put all on halt. Except for progress at work, nothing seemed to move anymore, was just a blurr.

So how do I start again? How do I move forward? Find my way back? Find me again? How do I reclaim myself? And finally: Enjoy life again?

And why did everything stop progressing except for work? Was it my focus? Is it just easier to influence employees and make a difference, than for example keep a relationship on track?

Is it just me? No - I can't believe that. There are always two people in a relationship. Is the relationship wrong or am I wrong?

I want to laugh, I want to have fun, I want to share the same mindset, similar goals, a future and the planning that goes with it.
I want to enjoy each other in bed and around. I want excitement and relaxation. I want ease.

Maybe I just want too much.

Kommentare

02:40 07.12.2015
Ja, es ist schon eine große Entscheidung. Auch falls er wirklich "der Richtige" ist (im Moment). Es ist ja nicht nur die Person, es ist auch und zuvorderst wohl das neue und komplett andere Leben. Soll es jetzt anfangen? Ich kann verstehen, dass Du wieder anfängst zu schreiben, um vielleicht im Aufschreiben zu sehen, ob die Pros oder Cons überwiegen
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2015-11-27 13:04