Willkommen auf Tagtt!
Friday, 29. March 2024
Alle » News, Bilder, Videos - Online
2016-01-10 10:50
Embracing the solitude
I am alone, but I am not lonely.
It is just me. It is me in the morning, me after work, me at night. Me on every day off. Just me.

I know it is scary for some people. Doing everything alone, having no one to talk to. However it has never been scary for me. I knew I would be alone in Australia and for me it wasn't an issue. I have been alone before. In fact, I enjoy being alone. Maybe not every day, but once in a while. I can take it, make the most of it.

At the moment I am embracing the solitude. I can cook and eat what I want. I can leave the dishes without feeling guilty. I can run around naked and listen to my music. I can dance in my underwear without having someone watch me or want me. Nakedness in my relationship always meant to get physical. I miss just being naked for the sake of nakedness. I am making up for it now.
I drink wine and dance to the music he would hate. I enjoy every minute of it. Nobody is judgemental.
I have stopped listening to music. He didn't like my taste. It made me feel insecure. I gave in.
And with the music, I gave up to dance. Although there is nothing in the world that helps me more, when I have issues. Helps me more, when I need to feel.

And I am trying to find the key, I am taking the road. And it seems to be a difficult one. How do you find the way back to yourself? How do you find a way to relax, to let loose and allow sensation to take over?
It is an adventure. It is an exploration, but do you have to do it alone?
Yes. Because he is not here and there are just some roads you can't take. But you can use tools.
The first time is like a jolt. Every cell in your body awakens. I guess it was the surprise, the joy of feeling it again, that broke my tune. However, nothing to be disappointed about. You have the afternoons, the nights all to yourself and they offer plenty of opportunities.

Going to the beach is fun and relaxing. I have been going every day I had off. Beach and Shopping. I enjoyed both, but decided it was time for something different. I decided it is time for adventure and explorations. Nothing is holding me back, except for myself. And I have. I have gone the easy path. It is time that the task "embracing the solitude" is brought to the next level.
So I went hiking. All on my one.
It was a little bit strange to get ready alone. Pack my backpack, make some lunch. I have never hiked alone, I realized.
It is an eery feeling. To listen to the sounds of the birds, the small animals living in the bush and hear just them. No friendly chitchat with the person next to you, but solitude. You and your thoughts.

Your relationship with him is better at the moment. He is talking about visiting you soon. Wants to book a flight. But despite the fact that you have found a better rythm, you don't want him here.

And you are still not sure, whether that is finite or just means that you need more time.

More time for adventures, more time for explorations. More time for nakedness and hikes in the Austalian bush.
More time to find your way back to yourself.
Because what would happen, when he would visit you now?

Maybe it was all for nothing then!

Kommentare

02:30 14.01.2016
Viele Theoriefäden. Aber ob eine Seite oder 20 oder Wiederholungen in neuen, eloquenten Wortwendungen, so findest Du nicht wirklich zu einer Lösung ... aber deshalb schreibst Du's ja eigentlich auch nicht, denke ich
Auch beim Heiraten wird keine komplexe und gut begründete Erklärung verlangt, sondern einfach nur ein Ja, bzw. ein Panik-Nein
Je eher Du jetzt zu einer Entscheidung kommst, um so weniger wird Dich (ggf.) ein Kuss ins Wanken bringen und er kann sich (ggf.) die Ticket-Kosten sparen
Good luck!
Soll der Kommentar wirklich gelöscht werden?
Löschen | Abbrechen


unbekannt
15:31 10.01.2016
Or you realise how he doesn't fit in anymore and you reject his presence which now has become disturbing.

Kommentar löschen
Soll der Kommentar wirklich gelöscht werden?
Löschen | Abbrechen

Kommentieren


Nur für registrierte User.

2016-01-10 10:50